my finals are done for this semester, and i've decided to return to discord.

i've made a whole song and dance about why i particularly dislike discord; why am i returning?

in my opinion, i don't think discord alternatives have the functional requirements for me to stay on them. if i were to switch to an alternative, it should have decent-quality screensharing and microphone suppression. the mic suppression is integral since my ring of friends play geometry dash, so the noise of clicks would get old rather quickly in voice calls. i'll reconsider stoat once the aforementioned features are fully implemented.

also, i miss my friends on discord. they've been nothing but kind to me through my turmoil, and i cannot be thankful enough for them. i think hanging around with them will help improve my mental health while i'm trying to figure out what i do after college and how to tackle my last semester. this is by no means an easy choice for me to make. in particular, i feel guilty for the people i've met on stoat; i feel like i've disappointed them for not fully committing to stoat. i've gotten close to maybe one or two people on there, but for the most part, i felt distant from everyone there. maybe it's because voice calls were being reworked and i didn't take the latest opportunities to voice call, but regardless, this guilt creeps on my back.

what i don't regret, though, is deleting my old discord account. i did this upon leaving discord to avoid coming back. it was nice to close my old memories and interactions, both good and bad. even if the messages from my deleted account persist, the link to me today doesn't. given how discord uses artificial intelligence as a crutch for their moderation and how i chopped almost all of my message history away, my account seems less volatile. of course, i still need to be careful to avoid message triggers (such as abbreviating "creator points" when referring to geometry dash), but there now exists a sense of freedom for me to truly shine as my mature self.

this isn't to say i'll be leaving stoat forever, either. i still plan on migrating from discord eventually, but right now, i want to hang tight with my friends here. i can settle for mediocrity right now; it seems like too much mental effort to continue this cherade especially with my senior year in college being the most difficult.

thanks for stopping by, and thank you if you have read this far. i hope this provides more clarity as to why i returned. i'm still trying to figure out my life as it goes, so please be patient with me.

-ozyximo